spilled milk factory

ok, so who's worried? admittedly, it settles the nerves somewhat to see our boys put up five runs in the first two innings against their nemesis scott kazmir, especially with bobby kielty batting third and kevin "tango and" cash behind the plate (though there was that comforting air of familiarity when j.d. drew and his 45 rbis grounded to second with the bases loaded to end the second inning rally)... but the same problems that have been plaguing this team since the beginning of june when they began this nearly three-month run of mediocrity, still plague them today... there is no consistent clutch hitting, last week's couple of late-inning comebacks and tonight's big first two innings notwithstanding... their two big free agents, counted on so much from the moment they signed, continue to be two of the biggest busts in recent memory... their middle of the order, while slightly more productive than say, a month ago, is still not nearly the mortal lock it once was... and now we can add a french-canadian relief pitcher, heralded as the last piece to the world series puzzle upon his arrival, being completely useless, himself single-handedly responsible for three games in the standings over the last 10 days (not to mention the fact that according to my buddy benjah, his roots as a Quebecois naturally make him a savage, not to be tamed by anyone)...

oh i've been paying attention... just because i haven't brightened up your lives with a column for a couple weeks doesn't mean i've lost track of the team... so bearing that in mind, i'm here to report to anyone who will listen that everything is going to be fine... don't get me wrong - things certainly feel ominous, especially with the yankees not slowing down despite their schedule toughening from the tray of cupcakes they feasted on for the first couple of weeks following the all-star break... and the two series the sox and yanks have left, beginning with the three-game set in new york next week, suddenly appear to be crucial whereas a month ago they seemed to be a formality... but it's all good, and for that, we have the denizens of baltimore and tampa, also known as red sox nation south and red sox nation further south...

now the yankees have to play the orioles and the devil dogs as well, but they also have to play the angels and tigers on the road, the mariners and the blue jays, who give them fits... plus, despite last weekend's debacle at camden yards (which would have been a three-game sweep if not for the afore-mentioned, french-canadian savage), the sox play the o's (and tampa) better than they play anyone... two more series with baltimore and three (the current one included) with tamper means nine or 10 wins for the red sox... in fact, with this series going on right now followed by four games in chicago against the putrid white sox while the yankees are in anaheim tonight and detroit over the weekend, the lead may be a lot more comfortable by the time the first pitch is thrown in the bronx next tuesday...

honestly, a lot of things have to go right for the above scenario to play out... but bearing that in mind, the red sox sure do have things lined up well for the coming week... if they have a six or seven game lead by the time the yankee series rolls around, i think even the most irrational, crackheaded worriers (like the guy who called sportsradio today to proclaim that with doug mirabelli disabled, tim wakefield should be taken out of the rotation - just hours before wake pitched seven shutout, four-hit innings to cash) will have to take a deep breath and kick back - for a few days at least...

ok before i go, there are just a few other quickies i want to discuss:

- if this is how drew is going to perform for the remainder of his five years here, how long will it take before he is dumped, a la edgar renteria, with the sox picking up most of his salary for him to play elsewhere? another year? a half a season? and can anyone even imagine the collective feeling of suck if he comes to the plate in a crucial situation in a playoff game?

- i'm not as down on julio lugo as i once was, but i still can't figure out why theo epstein loves him so much... he obviously isn't as bad as he looked in june during his infamous 0-for-3,546... but he's really not very good, as his inability to consistently field ground balls hit right to him will attest... and also, why does he feel like backing out of the box without time having been called, just in time for the pitcher to throw an 86 mph fastball right down the pipe for a strike so much?

- that guy who said wakefield should be benched without his binky dougie to guide him despite his unbelievable career numbers against tampa (he's still undefeated at the trop) may be the same stooge who thinks francona should be fired for changing the lineup from time to time and knows "people in baseball" who think he's a laughingstock... i don't listen to nearly as much sportsradio as i used to, but i must be blessed considering i seemingly hear this genius every time i turn it on... he is so dumb, he makes fred smerlas and steve deossie sound like MIT astrophysicists...

- fearless prediction No. 1: asante samuel will report to pats camp (without a new contract) by the end of next week and not miss a game this year... i know it means fall is here, but i so can't wait for the NFL...

- apologies to those who have already heard me tell this doozy, but now that he's going to jail, will michael vick learn to like it doggystyle?

- it's all over down in tamper with the sox beginning their huge, 10-game road trip with a 6-0 win... and to make it even more satisfying, remy and orsillo had a seemingly game-long giggle fit about a mouse running around in the booth that scared the shit out of orsillo... it's really going to suck, as it always does, when we are subjected to the likes of chris berman, joe morgan and tim mccarver come playoff time...

- why is rob zombie's "halloween" remake coming out on aug. 31? shouldn't it come out, oh i don't know, maybe some time around halloween? and while we're at it, why is there a rob zombie remake of "halloween" anyway?

- fearless prediction No. 2: i will make the playoffs in all three of my fantasy football leagues and win the super bowl in at least one of them... why? because i fuckin rule, that's why...

thanks for reading - another new column coming sometime later in the week...