it's sort of an anti-pep rally... we're trying to show that football is just a cryptofascist metaphor for nuclear war

i just don't get it... i spent over a month not writing here so that i could study football and truly understand the inner nuances and characteristics of this season... i figured hey, i may as well try to learn as much as i possibly can because if the red sox choke (gulp), i'm gonna have to channel my energies onto another avenue...

now, we're well into preperations for week 3 and i'm frickin perplexed... i go from winning my pool and taking 2 out of 3 fantasy matchups (with the third a wicked close loss) in week 1 to more wrong picks than right (and double secret probabtion from the captain) in the pool and two of the worst fantasy teams on record in week 2... ahem, could somebody explain please?

it all starts, naturally, with the pats... they were bound to play shitty sooner or later and in charlotte against a hungry team that can't lose 2 straight at home, they shit the bed... the defense was ok, but brady had one of his poorer games, dillon can't run, the line is a mess, the special teams are atrocious and again, there are about 47 injuries in the secondary... what does it all mean? probably that they'll beat up the overrated steelers on sunday, that's what...

seriously, where's the logic? if you think it's hard to understand how the saints could be playing in new jersey against the giants and have it be called a home game, try figuring out some of these teams, like, say, the giants... they were excruciatingly awful last year - every decision they made after week 8 was wrong, they limped home at 6-10 and brought back pretty much all of the same people... so of course, they're 2-0 (wisely, i've picked against them two straight weeks)... or the vikings?? people who said losing randy moss would help them are clearly on crack - now they look like they'd have a tough time against lynnfield high... and it doesn't help that their coach shouldn't even be coaching those same pioneers let alone an nfl team... my bet is he's shitcanned before halloween...

the redskins (no tds in their first 116 minutes of the year, two in the next 4 and a huge upset win), the bears (rolling 38 points with a fourth-rounder at qb??), the ravens (the same amount of punts, 10, in two games, as points) and the train wreck packers, who will also have a coach out of a job within the next month and have brett favre (who by the way once was great and now is TERRIBLE) looking like he's about 72 years old, are all contributors to the confusion... it's to the point where i'm so flummoxed, i may just have to say fuck it, not watch games on sundays and just like wait tables instead (uh... wait a minute...)

but you know what? it's ok... it's football, baby... there's nothing like it... things rarely go as planned in the nfl (except of course the pats being the best team but that's a whole other column) and all the expert insight, wasted hours watching the nfl network (the best channel on tv during the season, by the way) and late night phone calls to your buddy in chicago trying to convince him to please trade you a wide receiver because you drafted javon walker, won't change it... it really is the one of the best times of the year, even if it means it will be freezing outside in a matter of weeks, whether you can figure the whole thing out or not... but if you can't, like me (at least not yet), trying to understand it just makes it all the more exciting...

thanks for sticking with me during the long hiatus, folks... i'm really going to try to be on here more often... check back soon for what to look for in games this weekend... and with that, i bid you all a fond lates...