resurrection blvd.

there's no logical explanation... it's not as easy to decipher as watching some former power hitter in baseball suddenly lose 25 pounds then hit .230 with 12 homers following the approval of a new steroid policy... seeing a bunch of scrubs who looked like there was nothing left in the tank as recently as last winter are tearing it up, making life heavenly for their teams and their fantasy owners... to wit:

• drew blesdsoe - here's a guy we know all too well in these parts... in the final game of the season last year for buffalo, all drew had to do was beat the fourth-string pittsburgh defense at home and his team would be in the playoffs... so naturally, as has been his custom in big games since practically the beginning of time, drew shit the bed, threw multiple picks, lost a couple of fumbles and watched his team get summarily booted from any postseason shot... the bills were so furious that they kicked him to the curb in favor of a second-year guy who has since been benched... drew's old coach bill parcells was the only one to show any faith, bringing the statue to dallas to lead the cowboys... i laughed my ass of when i saw that crawl on the bottom line, and continued to laugh all through the preseason, and even after he led the 'boys to a big week 1 road win over the chargers and everyone in my fantasy league scrambled to sign him... well, after five games, dallas is 3-2, it crushed the eagles of all teams last week, and drew is 98-159 (61.6 percent) for 1,351 yards with 10 touchdowns and only three picks... his rating is 102 and he's the leading passer in the nfc... no, fans, it isn't 1994, and you aren't having another flashback... he really looks this good... i think the other shoe will eventually drop, and drew will remind us who he really is before the season is out... but for now, what he's doing is hard to ignore...
• trent dilfer - won a super bowl in 2001, got fired anyway and was a rarely used backup for a bad team for the next four years... now, he's the man in cleveland for romeo crennel and the revamped browns and he looks great... dilfer sports a more than respectable 91.5 rating and has clearly had an effect on a young, rebuilding team that realistically should only go 4-12 this year... this week, he gets to play baltimore, the team that sent him packing after he led it to a title and has had one shitty qb after another ever since... personally, i hope he throws 5 scores and the browns humiliate the ravens and their unbearable, know-it-all coach brian billick... don't be surprised if dilfer's leadership skills and experience allow the browns to steal a couple extra wins...
• the washington redskins - so these guys haven't made the playoffs in seven years, mostly because of an owner with a short guy complex who thinks spending money and running the show like fantasy football is the way to win... last year it seemed like he finally figured out that wasn't the way to go so he brought back hall-of-fame coach joe gibbs, who won three rings with the 'skins... it seemed like everything was set to turn around last season, but that was until the games started and washington's offense looked like a tractor pull on a weekly basis... no real big changes were really made this year and it looked like the redskins would stink again and the game had passed gibbs by... but their qb mark brunell (another completely out of the blue resurrection) has been playing like he did in the late '90s for jacksonville, the defense is stout and suddenly, washington is 3-1 and gibbs looks like a genius again... granted, the 'skins could well be 0-4, as each of their games could have easily gone either way... but they've gone the washington way and the redskins, almost inexplicably, are well set up for the playoffs...

anyway, i could name more - there are several... but i have to (gulp) make picks... as usual, don't take a word of this seriously, and if you're actually going to make wagers, please, please, please, i beg of you, don't use any of what you're about to read as a guide... so with that in mind...

BRONCOS (-3) over pats
man, does this suck... i don't think i've picked against the pats since the second week of the 2003 season... but even though tom brady would rather gouge his eyes out with a soup spoon than lose and plays like it, i just can't see a win... no one (except the pats, of course, on the intentional safety play two years ago) wins in denver, even with jake plummer quarterbacking the broncos... sadly, the pats fall this week, but then comes the bye and after that, we'll see a lot of winning from the champs...

new york giants (+3.5) over DALLAS
see above on the cowboys and their offense (terry glenn is another legit resurrection guy) and the defense is better than last year... but the big win over the eagles last week will cause a let down and the giants, who are WAY better than i thought they were, are coming off a bye... cowboys could lose this one by double digits...

carolina (+1) over DETROIT
injuries on offense for the panthers and the lions are coming off an impressive home win... but as long as joey harrington (who looks more scared than anyone pro athlete i've seen in a long time and will be playing without at least two of his top 4 wideouts - who he can't hit even when they're healthy) is at the helm for detroit, they aren't going to win much, especially against a top defense like carolina...

atlanta (-5.5) over SAN ANTONIO/NEW ORLEANS
the saints, who are the most inconsistent team in the nfl (as much talent as any team but capable of looking equal parts horrible and great at any time), are in one of their awful stretches right now, as evidenced by their 49 point loss to previously winless green bay last week... god do they stink, and their best weapon on offense, deuce mcallister, is out for the year with a ripped up knee... mike vick may not play again for atlanta, but it doesn't matter - falcons win...

CHICAGO (-3) over minnesota
both teams stink, but the bears are at home, have a good defense and weren't plagued by reports of a massive orgy on a rented boat all week... things just get worse for the vikings but hey, at least some of them got laid by a bunch of hookers and strippers...

washington (+6) over KANSAS CITY
the afore-mentioned 'skins are one two-point conversion from being undefeated... the chiefs are coming off a bye, were humiliated at home two weeks ago after blowing an 18-point lead to philly, and have to win this week... they pull it out, but washington covers...

cincinnati (-3) over TENNESSEE
bengals finally lost last week but are still the better team here... give the titans credit for winning a couple of games and playing so tough despite having the youngest team in the league and a quarterback who gets hurt every week... but there's too much firepower on the bengals for the inexperienced tennessee defense to contain...

PITTSBURGH (-3) over jacksonville
steelers will be missing starting qb and no. 1 receiver but they don't lose at home (except to the pats)... defense is so tough and jacksonville, despite being much better, still isn't at the point where a) it can win on the road, or b) can put the game on the shoulders of its quarterback and pull one out...

cleveland (+5.5) over BALTIMORE
ok, the disgusting ravens (21 penalties, two player ejections for hitting referees last week) will win a close one because at 1-3 and at home, they're absolutely deperate... but, as i said before, here's hoping trent dilfer runs it up on his former team and the coach who let him go for nothing...

miami (+5.5) over TAMPA BAY
the dolphins get ricky williams back this week which means what? that they'll lose by a field goal, but everyone will probably smoke some really crippy bud after the game... tampa and its defense at home will be too tough for the up-and-coming dolphins... if cadillac williams plays for the bucs, they could even cover...

BUFFALO (-3) over new york jets
even though the bills' journeyman scrub qb kelly holcomb is only slightly better than their pseudo-rookie/soon-to-be journeyman scrub qb jp losman, he'll be enough along with the defense to hold off the jets in orchard park... the luster of bringing back 94-year-old vinny testaverde will have worn off by the time this game rolls around for the destined-to-be 6-10 jets...

san diego (-2) over OAKLAND
the raiders are home and coming off a bye, but really, it's impossible to pick them against any team that is at least remotely decent on offense... the oakland d is so awful, drew brees, ladanian tomlinson and antonio gates could all have career games this week... plus, never trust oak-town qb kerry collins or coach norv turner, especially in a game that may look winnable to them...

SEATTLE (-9.5) over houston
the seahawks are pretty good, they are playing at home and the texans are the worst team in the nfl... that's all that needs to be said...

st. louis (+13.5) over INDIANAPOLIS
i hate the rams - they're terrible and they have no chance to win this game... but the spread feels too big for some reason... st. louis could step it up for their sick coach mike martz, although they may not because i keep reading that everyone hates him... meanwhile, the colts keep rolling on their collision course with the pats and another loss in foxboro on monday night, nov. 7...

two weeks ago: 7-7
season: 11-17