my grandmother always used to say, "why buy the cow when you can get the sex for free?"

ok, you're in luck... i can't bear to talk about the celtics anymore... it's become boring/depressing... in about 3 hours, they will be down 3-1 and i just don't want to think about it... at least until tomorrow...

so that's that... it's a celtics-free zone... it's pouring rain outside - has been all day... i'm one of those freakshows whose mood is sometimes affected by the weather, but not today... i was liberated last night, that's why... it feels kind of strange, almost anti-climactic... but i can't seem to get this shit-eating grin off my face... maybe it's because i will now have even more time - at least for a little while, to sit here and preach to all y'all... anyway, there was even a cake that said good luck from a really good bakery... i was embarassed, but i still ate a couple pieces... all in all, i'd say the exit went quite smoothly...

its weird when you walk away from something voluntarily how good you feel about it... are you really that convinced that you're onto bigger and better things? it's going to be interesting how it plays out, that's for sure...

ok, i'm wandering into "i had eggs for breakfast today," territory now and i swore to myself that would never happen on this site, not once... so i hope you all are enjoying your weekend and thinking good thoughts... remember these things: family guy is always funnier when the baby or any of the charcters voiced by seth green have big roles, the new records by the foo fighters, weezer and even audioslave (even though their first single sucks) are all going to be good regardless of the fact that none of them are playing at bonna-ROO, the baseball season is only a month old and the red sox and yankees will still meet again in the playoffs and finally, there are fewer sights more comforting than walking into someone's kitchen at 2:45 a.m. and seeing a two-gallon jug of knob creek more than half-full...

ps- tomorrow's the first day of may which is not only the month of my birth (i'll take an ipod, a new car, $73,000 or a 3-week vacation in hawaii if anyone's wondering), it's also the first real month of golf season... i'm going to the range this week, on the first nice day... and on that tip, if you like golf, you should check out this site... someone told me the design is pretty sweet... lates.

i'm an earth sign, she's a water sign - together we made mud

goodbye, antoine... it's sad to see you go - again... may your next destination be prosperous, may you realize that sometimes, jumping is necessary in basketball, and, for the love of pete, may you please, for all that is sacred, grow the fuck up? thanks, buddy... have a great career... lates.

I want you to remember this face - this is the guy, behind the guy, behind the guy

man, the C's are in trouble... look, they're schizo, ok? they seem to have some sort of mental block that keeps them from understanding what works and what's successful from one game, or even one quarter, to the next... Game 1: running, forcing the tempo, great ball movement, energy, defensive intensity, exuding confidence... Game 2: none of the above...

why? it's not that difficult to sustain a mental edge like they had in Game 1 against a team as transparent as the pacers... everyone in the building knew exactly what indy planned on trying to do in Game 2 and the celts let them get away with it anyway... the pacers needed to get off to a good start, slow things down to a crawl, and hope that reggie was getting the calls... not exactly nebulous, abstract concepts here, folks... but the c's couldn't stop it... now for a short while, it looked like it'd be ok... the celts stayed in the game despite doc not allowing the rooks - so good in Game 1 - to get going, and in the third quarter of a close game, pierce, in all of his truthfulness, took over... he was transcendent in the third (17 of his 33) and he gave the c's a lead they still had with 4 minutes left in the game...

but all of the bad decisions/luck/karma came back to bite 'em in the collective ass... ricky, who was having one of his worst games, foced one too many... soft raef reverted to useless form... blunted was just that... and doc, who refused to play big al and marcus even for just 2 minutes at the start of the fourth, just to change the tempo and give antoine and pierce a quick rest, had to watch as the tired legs of his stars got the best of them... did you guys see antoine on that huge layup he missed with a buck and a half to play? everyone knows i have a better vert than antoine, but come on... he had two open looks from 2 feet and neither was close... pierce's misses were all front-rimmed - translation: no legs under him... and gp, god love him, can't guard an ice cream truck... he got beat on those two drives by anthony johnson because he got screened off and the celts were too tired/slow/full of themselves to rotate... but if anyone thinks he's not a liability on defense in crunch time, i got a bridge for ya...

and that was it... a giveaway of the first-class variety... now they have to win at least once on the road against a team that has more mental toughness, more experience and understands EXACTLY what it needs to do to win... it could get ugly, folks... doc ain't gettin fired no matter what, but losing this series changes everything... if the c's lose, there'll be no antoine next year, that's for sure... why would danny-boy want to pay him if he can't lead the charges out of the first round? because he sparked a 10-game run in february? please... and then we go back to pierce the pouter, which will do wonders for the youngsters, not to mention blount, who apparantly will only try if someone literally holds a briefcase full of money under his nose...

so here's the totality of it all... if the celts lose tonight, its over... they'd have to win 3 of 4 with 2 more on the road... what on god's green earth is there to suggest they can summon that kind of consistency? answer: nuthin... if they win tonight, i still think they ultimately lose the series because of that whole consistency, mental edge thing, but it will sure be tough for them to blow it... and the pick? pacers (-3) tonight... god love reggie and leg kick...

ps- anyone hear the new weezer single? if you listen to the radio you have because its played every 47 seconds... but so catchy... nothing but love for weezer... i hope the new album is longer than 22 minutes cause if its not, spending the $12.99 will be rough... but i'll do it anyway... enjoy the game, buds... 31 and a half hours to freedom!!! lates.

nobody makes me bleed my own blood...

so schill and wells are both disabled... well if they're both still there in july/august, then we can worry... but for now, even though we should expect a bunch of 12-10 games, its better to get them healthy when the season's still young, don't ya think? what happens now isn't nearly as important as what happens in a few months - which is why a-fraud's display last night is nothing beyond an example of how good a hitter he can be, period... no need to worry about schill and wells...

what we should be worried about, though, is the fact that katie holmes is dating tom cruise... doesn't she know he's gay??? stop the insanity!!!

more on the celts to come prior to Game 3... lates.

if your manner of speech is any indication of the workings of your mind, then it's a wonder you can even tie your shoes

allow me to digress just a touch so that i can examine a phenomenon that i can't stop coming back to... on friday night, fate brought me, your faithful servant, to a college party... this in and of itself was a bit bizarre as i'm not in college nor have i been since the roaring 90s... also bizarre was being probably the third oldest person there next to the big man and legend, but i could handle it because every time the captain and i go to concert, it seems the only ones older than us are the parents who've been coerced into accompanying their children...

what was weird, to me anyway, was the fact that later on in the evening, after a few beverages had been consumed and while i was openly mocking the wasted kids (e.g. everyone there), i heard from a distance the record "under the table and dreaming" by the dave matthews band... now i'm not ashamed to admit that i'm a big fan of said group - to a point... things get touchy for me with dave and the boys after their third record, "crash"... plus i saw them before they were the biggest band in the world in a small venue, then also saw them play a stadium after they were the biggest band in the world, which was not terribly fun...

but i'm digressing again... the point is, i went into the room in which the record was being played and examined the contents... everyone listening/singing along to "best of what's around" was not a millisecond older than 22... which means that when the record first came out/i was first listening to it, the oldest person in the room was in grade school...

i find this fascinating even though i'd bet that you don't... sure, i listened to the beatles and the rolling stones and even (gulp) def leppard, among other bands when i was in college and never even thought about it... and if i hadn't gone to that party on friday, i wouldn't be thinking about it now either... and you know what? if you're asking yourself what in the hell my point is, the answer would appear to be I HAVE NO IDEA! i just think its funny that those wasted kids were so into that dave album instead of some more current shit like the white stripes or modest mouse or something else that rolling stone told them was cool... or, i'm just coming back to one of my favorite topics to obsess over - the fact that i'm getting old...

oh well, sorry if i wasted your time... the party was sort of lame, but i saw some truly entertaining sights, not the least of which was several young women pissing off of a third floor balcony simultaneously... oh those kids today...

i'll leave you with a joke, complements of one of the funniest guys i know, young james:
what's got nine arms and sucks? def leppard! harharharharharharhar...

stay tuned for another diatribe about my beloved celts, who, contrary to rofo's opinion, are going to lose tonight... lates.

i was born to rub you... but you were born to rub me first

what i forgot to tell you all was that they would win Game 1... honest...

well i didn't see the game because i had to work so that i can afford to sit here and preach instead of stand out on the street and beg for crack money... but what i read and was told didn't surprise me... when the celtics have the right amount of energy, play defense and just generally have everyone doing what they're supposed to in at least a moderately accurate fashion, they're pretty good... they can sustain pierce and antoine shooting for shit and get away with it... plus the pacers just weren't ready for what was coming... remember o'neal, has only played in like 4 games since his inhury and is still getting his timing back... the pacers are flawed in a lot of ways and most of them were exposed last night... but who wants to bet that carlisle won't make the proper adjustments? plus, the celts will come out tomorrow night thinking that their mere presence guarantees victory because of how easily they won Game 1 and will subsequently lose... sorry to be so down on my boys in green... i just don't believe it yet... i want them to win, i really do... i just don't think they can, plus i'm sure there's a little subconscious thing going on in my coconut that would rather see them lose now than get vaporized by detroit in the next round... we shall see, right?

apologies to those who thought they might be going blind reading the post that was written in red a coule days ago... the captain informs me that red on black is a definite no-no and she (almost) always has great taste so i promise it'll never happen again...

the sox just put up a six spot in the eighth at that warehouse down in tampa hot on the heels of two bench-clearing fights, so i better go see if there's another brawl in the offing... stay tuned for more... lates.

tiny salmon chasing that impossible dream

it's such a bummer... you want your favorite team to win... you hope that they can get everyone on the same page, overcome the obstacles and exert their will...

and then you remember that your favorite team is the celtics...

deano was nice enough to let me rant about the celts on his site a couple times earlier in the season so he knows what i'm getting at... i mean honestly, what about this team inspires confidence right now, at this very moment, less that six hours before the opening tip of game 1 against the pacers?

these guys are SO vulnerable in this matchup... any number of things can happen that would completely sabotage the celts' chances of getting out of this mess... for starters, reggie miller, indiana's conquering hero, its el cid, could blow up at the most clutch of times on a variety of occassions, as he's been prone to do oh i don't know, 1,000 TIMES ALREADY IN HIS CAREER... i wouldn't put it past him... he's always been a drama queen and now, with his retirement close enough to touch, he could decide to average 27 points per game in the series, and bury ridiculous trey after ridiculous trey... just like he's always done... he's lost on defense - it happens when you're pushing 40 - and whoever gets to take hime one-on-one, whether its pierce or davis or hell, even tony allen, will have their way... but anyone who's ever watched nba playoff ball knows that reggie will produce at least a couple of daggers... i just hope that's all he's got...

indiana also has the "shock the world" thing going for it... any patriots fan knows exactly what this is - supposedly not having the horses to keep up, right? with all the shit the pacers have been through this year, from the brawl to the suspensions to the injuries to the bad r&b albums to the ongoing insert-foot-in-mouth disease (thank you, jermaine o'neal), it's a near miracle that they made it this far and aren't already out on the golf course... and that's what the celts have to be afraid of... why would the pacers want to go home now? they've come this far after everyone wrote them off six months ago... their coach, one mr. carlisle, is the coach of the year in the nba and if you don't agree, find me one guy in history who got more blood out of a frickin boulder let alone a stone than this guy did this year... you think he doesn't know how to get the most out of his boys in this setup? you think the amount of strats and schemes he's had to come up with this year just to stay competitive aren't coimng out of his arse by now? carlisle is THE MAN and, sadly, he can coach our own doc (god love him) under the table...

and we haven't even gotten to the celts yet... if they run, run and then run some more, they can win... but this is the playoffs now, ladies and gentlemen, and running in the playoffs just don't happen... celts get bogged down in a halfcourt game, they're dead, that's D-E-A-D... who's going to guard o'neal? antoine? please... i love him like a little brother, but he can't guard a salad bar... mark blount?? maybe if he forgets about that killer bag of dizzy-dank that's sitting in his freezer he has a shot... pierce would love this because he hates to run, has been resisting it all year and would get at least four more shots per game... but he'd be the only one... halfcourt, slow-down game means less touches for our most explosive guy (ricky), more triple screens for reggie to run around, more chances for antoine to dribble too much and turn it over and more "man, i could be golfing in orlando right now," looks from doc on the sideline.

i could go on, dear followers... i have an unlimited word count (with rollover!) on this thing... but i'll spare you... i won't get into how after the vets in the starting lineup and ricky, the celts average age is roughly 16 and if any of the youngsters have to play big minutes for any reason, its over, how raef lafrentz is softer than a charmin double roll, how GP hasn't been able to play defense all year, how the celts have a knack for thinking that if they're better on paper, all they have to do is walk onto the court and they'll win and then they lose by 30... i'll spare you all of it... what i will say is that its been an interesting year, and if danny-boy decides to pay antoine, can somehow get rid of either raef or blunted so that big al and perk the juvenile delinquent can play more, and was right about marcus banks cause GP's out the door, we'll have ourselves a pretty good team next year - one that could actually get out of the first round... but this year, it ain't happenin... i said it before and i'll say it again - pacers in 6...

happy passover everyone - may your people's next exodus from an oppressive, hateful land be bountiful and hearty... lates.

well with your bad knee, you shouldn't throw anybody

someone asked me last night that if there's a movie called "spaceballs" and a movie called "hot shots," why isn't there a movie called "spaceshots?" i thought about it and responded by asking why there isn't a movie called "hot balls?"

but twisted timmy (totally twisted in a good way!) said there probably is. next time i'm at the amazing store, i'll check and get back to you all...

so now a-fraud says to those paragons of purity at the new york post that he wants to be a yankee for life. what he didn't mention was that a) he expressed this feeling about 3.2 seconds after the red sox signed tim wakefield to his extension - an extension that exemplifies wake as one of the ultimate team-first-me-second guys in all of sports, and b) that he's going to be a yankee for life even if he didn't want to be because he's got 6 years and $150 million left on his wow-the-rangers-owner-has-a-crack-problem contract!

is anyone else getting just a tad sick of this guy? i mean, even if he didn't expose himself as the be all end all of cowards, cheaters and phonies last year, i'd be tired of it... hey a-fraud, do us all a favor and shut your cakehole, ok?

all right i have to stop because i promised the fabulous chacha that i wouldn't make this into a yankee-hater-only site... lucky for me, the nba playoffs start in a mere two days which is great because 1) playoff nba ball is infinitely more entertaining than regular season nba ball and 2) it'll give me even more ammo to fire at my "i love them so much i hate them, or, vice versa" celtics, who, by the way, are going to lose in the first round in 6 games...

it's only a matter of a couple days before i really know how to use this thing... if i have any incriminating photos of you, watch out!

carnys... you know - circus folk

i'm convinced froboy is one of them... froboy, tell us who you are!!!

before i go any further, i must give credit for some of the wording from my last post to my dear friend hector longo, the fabulous patriots beat writer for a local newspaper you may have read... he was the first one i heard describe the baseball regular season as one long exhibition and when i wrote that before, i was not remotely aware that it was he who put that particular phrasing into my head... thanks, hec, and sorry for forgetting you...

don't fret, faithful readers... tomorrow (or later today for some) will be here soon and with that will come more exquisitely written gobbledy-gook by me...

and keep the comments coming... and if you're going to be like froboy and not identify yourself, at least give me a hint... i think that's a fair agreement, don't you?

it's earlier than you think

let me get this straight... the yankees, those pillars of integrity and virtue when it comes to baseball, whose third baseman makes more money than about five entire teams, are now "back" after boss steinbrenner's angry (but extremely well-timed) statement on sunday following their sweep at the hands of the orioles shook them out of their slumber... they scored 19 runs last night (the same amount they scored in the final game they won last year before committing the greatest collapse in pro sports history, by the way), including 13 in the second inning, their most in one inning in 60 years...

has anyone noticed who they were playing? the devil rays (one of the teams with a cumulative payroll lower than a-fraud's salary)!!! me and benjah and rob and andy all drunk could put up 19 runs against that staff! yet all we hear leading up to the game are the so-called experts breathlessly telling us how this team is done for and all we hear after the game is that they really are the yankees and they're going to win the world series...

has anyone looked at a calendar? today's date is April 19... the orioles and their pitching staff led by... wait, i don't know anyone on their pitching staff except for julio jorge or jorge julio or george julius or whatever his name is but anyway, the orioles are in first place in the AL East... who thinks that the mighty o's will win the division? can i see a show of hands?? and if you do, can you promise not to be within 5 miles of me when i buy my mega millions tickets later?

in case anyone forgot, the red sox were barely at .500 in JULY last year and went on to win the world series... it may have taken such a miracle to convince me of the following sentiment but i sure do believe it: we are all observing one giganticly long preseason! nothing that happens from two weeks ago until sept. 1, maybe aug. 15, means a damn thing... if the bombers have gone 10 straight games without a quality start or are hitting .217 with runners in scoring position on one of those dates, we can talk... until then, the yankees and their $200 million payroll and all-stars at every position will still be the yankees and probably win the division and play the sox in the playoffs yet again...

and then they'll lose... again... probably in a manner representative of someone putting his hands around their collective necks and squeezing... hard.

yikes!

warning - the following material may be inappropriate for those over the age of 45... please use discretion!

http://homepage.mac.com/sthompson/iMovieTheater13.html

rather be lucky than good, or good than lucky?

so what is luck, anyway? is it getting whatever you feel like having all the time - your dream job, dream car, dream house, dream girl? is it the ability to drivethrough a speed trap on a deserted road at 4 a.m. doing 80 in a 45 and not get pulled over? is it tony clark's double off keith foulke in game 4 somehow defying physics and bouncing over the right field fence or the patriots winning the super bowl three times in four years?

i'm bored with these questions... i don't know what the fuck luck is, all i know is some people have it and some people don't and other people get to really experience it on certain few-and-far-between occasions which probably makes it cooler, you know?

ok so i promise that all of the posts won't be like this one, which is to say pretentious and slightly maddening... most of what you read on this spot will be about sports... its just that i think i've just come to a major decision and it's all making me feel a little pretentious and well, mad...

so just to prove that this is all being done in good faith, i will now attempt to leave you with a link to something rather hilarious - if i can figure out how to get a link on here without the help of my webhead buddies who are asleep right now because they work normal-people hours... so here goes - apologies if it doesn't work... everyone have a good day... i'm going to bed...

http://homepage.mac.com/sthompson/iMovieTheater13.html

Greetings and Salutations

So this is it - after succumbing to the pressure, i've finally decided to indulge my inner need to write all the time and start one of these up... this is just a hello, how are you type posting - the more meaningful yet still mostly frivolous stuff comes later... and, as boring as this thing might look now, soon enough i will have my compadres who use this site teach me how to make it all look better with all of the various features... in the meantime, please feel free to share any thoughts you may have on my many thoughts - remember, i'm the most neurotic person any of you know, so that should never be discounted when pondering one of my postings... so with that, i bid you all adieu until the next time, which probably won't be too long from now... i'd like to leave you with thoughts of peace and happiness and a very special birthday greeting to my dear friend jennifer garner, who hits double 3's today - i told you leaving that rich, powerful actor for some broke freakshow like me wouldn't be easy, darling, but i'll be damned if we can't make it work... salut!