we'll get it fixed, honey... it's on my list of things - right after we get TiVo...

just got done listening to some balding, stuttering, blithering idiot on espn discussing how the pats are done because their defense was lousy before the bye, how bruschi's return will mean nothing either emotionally or on the field, how they won't even make the playoffs let alone win a game and how peyton manning is god...

don't these douchebags ever learn??

fine, i'll admit for all the constant naysayers out there that things still look less than perfect despite all the things the pats have going for them this week... how do we know how effective/helpful bruschi will be? is corey dillon going to pick it up? will their totally depleted secondary be able to stop anyone's passing game? all this shit is up in the air and the pats aren't close to the sure thing they've been the last two years (hell, one more loss and they'll match their total since 2003 coming into this year)... but to just assume that they are finished at 3-3, tied for first and with the iron of their schedule behind them is ignorant...

on a couple other topics, gotta give props to the white sox for being this year's version of the red sox... they just got every break (and it helped them immensely that houston left 437 runners on base in the four games)... gotta hate on former 2,000 yard rusher jamal lewis, who spent the offseason in prison for his part in a drug deal and now has been quoted as essentially saying he isn't giving his all because he's in the last year of his contract... look, the ravens suck anyway, but what do you think if you're the coach or the management or a teammate? what a team guy... also, that guy todd bertuzzi, the vancouver hockey player who maimed that poor kid from the avalanche a couple years ago and was punished with a 10-game suspension or something not even remotely appropriate given what he did, played in his first game last night... if i was this guy, not only would i donate like $1 million to the avalanche player's favorite charity, i'd kiss the ice every time i played or practiced forever given the fact that i should have gotten 10 years for assault... seriously, i can't even look at this guy, even though i'm suddenly enjoying hockey (except the bruins, of course) for the first time in a long time... i wonder why?

i think i'm gonna be a waiter for halloween... hope you all don't get too wasted or have too much of a tummyache from eating too many twix bars... and, it appears i'll be at the big bruschi return game sunday night in foxboro - thus, as your faithful servant, i'll have a full report on the experience and the sight of #54 back on the field coming early next week... now, on to the picks... oh joy...

NEW ENGLAND (-9) over buffalo
all the reasons why the pats will romp (bruschi, seymour, dillon all back, coming off a bye, brady owns the bills who stink, etc.) outweigh any reasons why the bills could win... feel bad for buffalo, even while you're looking for a spoon to dig your eyeballs out with due to having to listen to joe theismann and paul maguire call the game on espn...

NEW YORK GIANTS (+2.5) over washington
giants found something in that comeback over denver last week that not many teams have and that's a special qb... eli manning is the goods, painful as it is to say... i'll bet he wins more titles than his brother too... and this week, the giants may be playing a tough division game against a great defense, but the emotion due to the loss of their longtime owner during the week combined with all this newfound swagger will carry them...

CINCINNATI (-9) over green bay
anyone think brett favre wishes he'd just called it a career after the pack got routed by (gulp) the vikings at home in the playoffs last year? i'll bet he does, especially now that he's down to third-stringers at back and receiver... benagls bounce back from bad loss to steelers and crush green bay...

chicago (+3) over DETROIT
two teams playing for first place in the division and both are at .500... yullchh... lions are better with jeff garcia at qb and are at home but they still pretty much stink (they barely beat awful cleveland last week)... the bears run the ball down your throat and have an awesome d...

CAROLINA (-7.5) over minnesota
i'm surprised the vikings didn't celebrate their last second win last week with a boat trip with a bunch of drugs and hookers... they may need another restful, relaxing pleasure cruise after they get routed by jake delhomme, steve smith and the panthers...

TENNESSEE (+1) over oakland
i may have been wrong about kerry collins, norv turner and the raiders last week, but really, who wants to take them two straight weeks, especially with this game on the road?... the titans aren't even that good but the raiders are such an embarassment, i wouldn't be surprised to see them think all they have to do is show up and subsequently lose by 30...

arizona (+9) over DALLAS
cowboys still can't put anyone away and drew bledsoe still is just as likely to piss a game away as win it, both evidenced last week in the loss to seattle... but arizona really stinks and the game is in big d, so the cowboys should hold on even though it'll be close...

cleveland (+2) over HOUSTON
the texans are winless and the favorites... truly unbelievable, even against the lousy browns at home... houston has to win someday, but not this week in the worst game of the season so far... they will top the astros entire output in the four games of the world series, though...

NEW ORLEANS (-2.5) over miami
saints sort of closer to home, playing this game in baton rouge... they are truly horrible and get no breaks, ever, which isn't a recipe for winning very much... but miami is getting worse and gus frerotte may be the worst quarterback in the nfl (11-25 for 127 with two picks and benched last week against the awful chiefs defense at home)... saints win, but don't get on their bandwagon or anything...

JACKSONVILLE (-3) over st. louis
you may be wondering why i'm picking against the rams at home after coming back to win from 17-0 down last week... because it was against the saints, that's why... jacksonville has a good defense and is likely going to the playoffs while st. louis will be missing its qb and two top receivers and also bans its hospital bed-ridden coach from calling the locker room at halftime... take the jags...

kansas city (+6) over SAN DIEGO
chargers are 3-4 and could be 7-0 if they knew how to finish games... that goes directly to the coach, marty schottenheimer, who has proven beyond the shadow of a doubt over his last 20 years of coaching that no one is better at blowing games that should be won... that said, the chiefs don't have enough defense to stop all of the chargers' weapons and the home team (which will likely be done with another loss, especially in the division) will squeak it out...

SAN FRANCISCO (+11) over tampa bay
this one's tough because the niners gave up 264 points last week and are starting their third qb of the year in this game... but the bucs, while good, are starting a virtual rookie at qb themselves and are on the road... they win, but not without a fight from san fran...

DENVER (-3.5) over philadelphia
the broncos are kicking themselves about blowing it against the giants last week... the eagles are as lucky as it gets as they should have lost to the chargers but won on that blocked field goal... look, the game's in denver, the eagles refuse to run the ball even a little and have division games the next three weeks... not sure donovan mcnabb will be able to hold up throwing on every play in this one...

PITTSBURGH (-10) over baltimore
as if the ravens weren't bad enough with no qb and a running back who admittedly dogs it, now their two best defensive players are out and thy're on the road... this one could get ugly and fast...

last week: 4-9-1
season: 22-32-2

"there was jock itch on my finger"

frustration is the name of the game... on one end of the spectrum, it was sunday, corey dillon was in uniform and it was announced he would start against denver... then, he stood on the sidelines, watched patrick pass and amos zeruoue take all the snaps and stood silently as my espn team was crushed due to his absence (actually, my team in that league is so bad, i would have been crushed anyway)...

on the other end of the spectrum, the captain and i went 12 for 14 last week, our best weekend of the year - even better than week 1 when we were winners (and thank god, that pool is just straight-up picking or else i would have been out of a job weeks ago) ... all that kept us from ultimate paydirt was shitty tommy maddox throwing the ball to the other team in OT for the steelers and control-freak, ego-maniac tom coughlin putting a rookie in at the goal line against dallas instead of his all-pro starter, followed by the inevitable fumble... the result? a perfect week by some other dude who probably picked his winners based on which cities he's vacationed in and an excruciating loss... seriously, 12 out of 14 is more than solid, it's prescient... and then to lose to someone who had a perfect day? bullshit...

of course, i may just be complaining about all this in order to keep myself from bitching about what's really on my mind, e.g. the pats being so un-pat like (some of the shit a couple players have said this week may get them cattle-prodded by the coach - thank god for the bye week), roger clemens getting to go for another world series (by the way, it says here the pick is white sox in six - how the hell is houston going to score enough runs to win???), the hubub about the nba dress code (paul pierce's claim that he's an entertainer and therefore should be able to do, say and wear what he wants as if he was axl rose, liberace or madonna takes the cake - just shut up and wear a frickin suit, man!!) the continued fallout from the vikings' love boat cruise (i'm telling you, they could care less that they stink because they can still fly strippers and hookers in from other cities whenever they want - good times!) the fact that the bruins suck despite claiming to be the masterminds behind the new salary structure (which, naturally, still hasn't kept them from being total skinflints)... that new movie with robert downey, jr. and val kilmer that came out today... gotta see it - downey rules, of course, and i read something today that said kilmer is as good in it as anything since (drumroll) 'real genius'!!??!! awesome, dude... oh yeah, and the title of this column, not just a crass remark, but an actual quote from an aquaintance of mine describing bar rot... priceless... and one more thing: welcome back, tedy...

but i digress... we're all here for picking purposes (well, at least i am)... i actually had a winning record last week (thanks to a tie vs. the spread) and i expect to improve on that this week... still, i again wouldn't recommend taking one iota of this seriously... so, with that in mind...

new orleans (+3) over ST. LOUIS
god, what a stinker of a game... either team could win something like 45-42 or 10-9, but the rams will probably squeak it out even though their qb is out and their interim coach looks like a '70s porn star... the saints always find ways to lose close games they should win, just like this one...

GREEN BAY (-2) over minnesota
if the vikings don't fire mike tice after this one, i will be permanently convinced that the new owner was on the sex boat and tice has photographic evidence... packers, who will be 2-4 after the game, are the favorites to win the pathetic nfc north, i say...

indianapolis (-16) over HOUSTON
of course i was wrong about the colts being two touchdown faves last week (even after they fell behind 17-0 - it was the rams for christ's sake!) so i'll go against one of my personal rules which is to never take a team giving more than 10.5, and say indy beats the worst team in the league by at least four scores... and if houston coach dom capers doesn't get fired after this one, my guess is that the texans' owner was on the sex boat in minnesota too...

pittsburgh (+1) over CINCINNATI
bengals are for real, but can they beat a tough division rival that needs the game quite yet? i say no, though it will be close... and even though i hate the steelers, thank god for their fans that tommy maddox will never play another game for them... i'm sure i'm not the only one he cost last week...

san diego (+4) over PHILADELPHIA
the eagles win close because their home, they had a bye, the chargers are flying cross-country and drew brees isn't the same guy on the road... but this one could further expose philly as for unreal this season... sooner or later, mcnabb is going to fall apart with the amount of injuries he has and the fact that knowing this, they still have him throw 100 times a game and don't even try to run is beyond me...

MIAMI (-1.5) over kansas city
playing tonight due to hurricane wilma... dolphins are decent at home and kc defense stinks... plus, short week favors miami cause they didn't have to travel... keep your fingers crossed for florida, especially the southwest coast...

CLEVELAND (-3) over detroit
man, is it tough to pick cleveland giving points over anyone... but they're home and detroit, despite being in first in the pathetic nfc north, are a sad, sad team... no qb, wideouts all hurt or suspended for getting high, runner doing absolutely nothing and defensive guys about ready to mutiny against strangely, suddenly incompetent-seeming coach... just doesn't make sense, but it is what it is... cleveland isn't that good, but the dysfunctional lions make them look positively pats-like...

san francisco (+12.5) over WASHINGTON
niners show some life, only lose by 10 or so... i don't care about this game at all, so i'll ask this: remember in 'high fidelity' when john cusack says to the little guy, "i will now sell five copies of 'the three EPs' by the beta band," and the little guy says, "do it," and cusack turns up the volume on 'dry the rain' and everyone starts kind of dancing and talking about it and he just grins? such a great scene...

SEATTLE (-3) over dallas
well, the cowboys are due for a comedown and on the road against the tough (strange to use that adjective about seattle) seahawks, it will happen... by the way, hear about the seattle corner who got his skull fractured in a bar fight last weekend and then the coach subsequently banning any player, coach or staff member from hanging out in the most historic area of the city as a consequence? what would mike tice have done?

buffalo (+3) over OAKLAND
bills and their journeyman qb (and my starter in 2 leagues this week) further get into an afc east dogfight by humiliating the ghastly raiders in oak-town... let's add norv turner's name to the endangered coach list, shall we? man has he gotten nothing out of the talent on this team... although, having to depend on fat, out-of-shape, over-the-hill warren sapp on defense hurts...

baltimore (+1) over CHICAGO
let's see, both teams have stout defenses and horrible offenses... truth is, the bears have a better shot here, but the ravens need it more since the bears can go 6-10 and win the (everybody!!) pathetic nfc north...

tennessee (+3.5) over ARIZONA
can anyone take arizona ever, especially giving points? the cards' supremely arrogant, ridiculous, overrated coach dennis green taking himself and his lousy team WAY too seriously by not announcing his starting qb till gametime makes them even more laughable... watch the titans - they're getting better and their coach, jeff fisher, is a good one...

NEW YORK GIANTS (-2) over denver
the giants absolutely killed me last week with eli manning looking like he just wet his pants on the 50-yard-line in dallas and coach coughlin outsmarting himself... well this week, they're back at home against denver, who starts 5-1 every year then falls off the map... this year's fall starts this week and if you don't believe it, look at how close the broncos came to blowing that 25 point lead against the pats in the fourth quarter last week...

ATLANTA (-7) over new york jets
even though curtis martin will probably run for 300 yards on the lousy falcons defense, the fact is the jets qb is still 65 years old and that just won't cut it...

last week: 7-6-1
season: 18-23-1

resurrection blvd.

there's no logical explanation... it's not as easy to decipher as watching some former power hitter in baseball suddenly lose 25 pounds then hit .230 with 12 homers following the approval of a new steroid policy... seeing a bunch of scrubs who looked like there was nothing left in the tank as recently as last winter are tearing it up, making life heavenly for their teams and their fantasy owners... to wit:

• drew blesdsoe - here's a guy we know all too well in these parts... in the final game of the season last year for buffalo, all drew had to do was beat the fourth-string pittsburgh defense at home and his team would be in the playoffs... so naturally, as has been his custom in big games since practically the beginning of time, drew shit the bed, threw multiple picks, lost a couple of fumbles and watched his team get summarily booted from any postseason shot... the bills were so furious that they kicked him to the curb in favor of a second-year guy who has since been benched... drew's old coach bill parcells was the only one to show any faith, bringing the statue to dallas to lead the cowboys... i laughed my ass of when i saw that crawl on the bottom line, and continued to laugh all through the preseason, and even after he led the 'boys to a big week 1 road win over the chargers and everyone in my fantasy league scrambled to sign him... well, after five games, dallas is 3-2, it crushed the eagles of all teams last week, and drew is 98-159 (61.6 percent) for 1,351 yards with 10 touchdowns and only three picks... his rating is 102 and he's the leading passer in the nfc... no, fans, it isn't 1994, and you aren't having another flashback... he really looks this good... i think the other shoe will eventually drop, and drew will remind us who he really is before the season is out... but for now, what he's doing is hard to ignore...
• trent dilfer - won a super bowl in 2001, got fired anyway and was a rarely used backup for a bad team for the next four years... now, he's the man in cleveland for romeo crennel and the revamped browns and he looks great... dilfer sports a more than respectable 91.5 rating and has clearly had an effect on a young, rebuilding team that realistically should only go 4-12 this year... this week, he gets to play baltimore, the team that sent him packing after he led it to a title and has had one shitty qb after another ever since... personally, i hope he throws 5 scores and the browns humiliate the ravens and their unbearable, know-it-all coach brian billick... don't be surprised if dilfer's leadership skills and experience allow the browns to steal a couple extra wins...
• the washington redskins - so these guys haven't made the playoffs in seven years, mostly because of an owner with a short guy complex who thinks spending money and running the show like fantasy football is the way to win... last year it seemed like he finally figured out that wasn't the way to go so he brought back hall-of-fame coach joe gibbs, who won three rings with the 'skins... it seemed like everything was set to turn around last season, but that was until the games started and washington's offense looked like a tractor pull on a weekly basis... no real big changes were really made this year and it looked like the redskins would stink again and the game had passed gibbs by... but their qb mark brunell (another completely out of the blue resurrection) has been playing like he did in the late '90s for jacksonville, the defense is stout and suddenly, washington is 3-1 and gibbs looks like a genius again... granted, the 'skins could well be 0-4, as each of their games could have easily gone either way... but they've gone the washington way and the redskins, almost inexplicably, are well set up for the playoffs...

anyway, i could name more - there are several... but i have to (gulp) make picks... as usual, don't take a word of this seriously, and if you're actually going to make wagers, please, please, please, i beg of you, don't use any of what you're about to read as a guide... so with that in mind...

BRONCOS (-3) over pats
man, does this suck... i don't think i've picked against the pats since the second week of the 2003 season... but even though tom brady would rather gouge his eyes out with a soup spoon than lose and plays like it, i just can't see a win... no one (except the pats, of course, on the intentional safety play two years ago) wins in denver, even with jake plummer quarterbacking the broncos... sadly, the pats fall this week, but then comes the bye and after that, we'll see a lot of winning from the champs...

new york giants (+3.5) over DALLAS
see above on the cowboys and their offense (terry glenn is another legit resurrection guy) and the defense is better than last year... but the big win over the eagles last week will cause a let down and the giants, who are WAY better than i thought they were, are coming off a bye... cowboys could lose this one by double digits...

carolina (+1) over DETROIT
injuries on offense for the panthers and the lions are coming off an impressive home win... but as long as joey harrington (who looks more scared than anyone pro athlete i've seen in a long time and will be playing without at least two of his top 4 wideouts - who he can't hit even when they're healthy) is at the helm for detroit, they aren't going to win much, especially against a top defense like carolina...

atlanta (-5.5) over SAN ANTONIO/NEW ORLEANS
the saints, who are the most inconsistent team in the nfl (as much talent as any team but capable of looking equal parts horrible and great at any time), are in one of their awful stretches right now, as evidenced by their 49 point loss to previously winless green bay last week... god do they stink, and their best weapon on offense, deuce mcallister, is out for the year with a ripped up knee... mike vick may not play again for atlanta, but it doesn't matter - falcons win...

CHICAGO (-3) over minnesota
both teams stink, but the bears are at home, have a good defense and weren't plagued by reports of a massive orgy on a rented boat all week... things just get worse for the vikings but hey, at least some of them got laid by a bunch of hookers and strippers...

washington (+6) over KANSAS CITY
the afore-mentioned 'skins are one two-point conversion from being undefeated... the chiefs are coming off a bye, were humiliated at home two weeks ago after blowing an 18-point lead to philly, and have to win this week... they pull it out, but washington covers...

cincinnati (-3) over TENNESSEE
bengals finally lost last week but are still the better team here... give the titans credit for winning a couple of games and playing so tough despite having the youngest team in the league and a quarterback who gets hurt every week... but there's too much firepower on the bengals for the inexperienced tennessee defense to contain...

PITTSBURGH (-3) over jacksonville
steelers will be missing starting qb and no. 1 receiver but they don't lose at home (except to the pats)... defense is so tough and jacksonville, despite being much better, still isn't at the point where a) it can win on the road, or b) can put the game on the shoulders of its quarterback and pull one out...

cleveland (+5.5) over BALTIMORE
ok, the disgusting ravens (21 penalties, two player ejections for hitting referees last week) will win a close one because at 1-3 and at home, they're absolutely deperate... but, as i said before, here's hoping trent dilfer runs it up on his former team and the coach who let him go for nothing...

miami (+5.5) over TAMPA BAY
the dolphins get ricky williams back this week which means what? that they'll lose by a field goal, but everyone will probably smoke some really crippy bud after the game... tampa and its defense at home will be too tough for the up-and-coming dolphins... if cadillac williams plays for the bucs, they could even cover...

BUFFALO (-3) over new york jets
even though the bills' journeyman scrub qb kelly holcomb is only slightly better than their pseudo-rookie/soon-to-be journeyman scrub qb jp losman, he'll be enough along with the defense to hold off the jets in orchard park... the luster of bringing back 94-year-old vinny testaverde will have worn off by the time this game rolls around for the destined-to-be 6-10 jets...

san diego (-2) over OAKLAND
the raiders are home and coming off a bye, but really, it's impossible to pick them against any team that is at least remotely decent on offense... the oakland d is so awful, drew brees, ladanian tomlinson and antonio gates could all have career games this week... plus, never trust oak-town qb kerry collins or coach norv turner, especially in a game that may look winnable to them...

SEATTLE (-9.5) over houston
the seahawks are pretty good, they are playing at home and the texans are the worst team in the nfl... that's all that needs to be said...

st. louis (+13.5) over INDIANAPOLIS
i hate the rams - they're terrible and they have no chance to win this game... but the spread feels too big for some reason... st. louis could step it up for their sick coach mike martz, although they may not because i keep reading that everyone hates him... meanwhile, the colts keep rolling on their collision course with the pats and another loss in foxboro on monday night, nov. 7...

two weeks ago: 7-7
season: 11-17

nice man purse...

wow, writing about how much a-rod sucks made me want to dust this classic off... hope he didn't get any dirt or anything on that bag - it looks expensive...

yabba-dabba d'oh!

i'm just trying to pick up the pieces from the last few days, you know? minding my own business, thinking about football and the sox losing and the yankees losing too, and being psyched to see a hockey game for the first time in years and all this other shit and i can't stop coming back to how depressing it is to see fred flintstone and barney rubble in this new, freakin pathetic midas commercial with these voices that may as well be charlton heston or jerry remy or my next door neighbor, for all they sound like the real thing... man, it's so depressing... i mean i realize the company has to keep trying to make money and it's only a commercial - it's not like there's any new episodes of "the flintstones" or anything but wouldn't it be nice if the new fred voice was even a slight approximation of the real thing? i love that cartoon, and now whenever i see some rerun on cartoon network, i'm gonna think about how awful his voice sounds in the new midas commercial while he's getting slurped by dino or barney's getting his ass kicked by bam-bam...

but i digress... i'm kind of disappointed in myself for not making my picks over the weekend... i was feeling pretty distressed about the red sox getting swept by the white sox on friday, plus i'd just sat through one of the all-time worst high school football games, so instead of coming home and making my selections, i drank several glasses of maker's mark, rendering any productivity in a realm other than stumbling, slurring words or passing out completely impossible...

it's probably good that i didn't embarrass myself further in the picking department as it smelled all week like a sub-.500 effort was the only possibility... but one thing i did notice was that i would have taken the pats and been right... everyone was picking against them (naturally) due to the drubbing at the hands of the chargers last sunday and all the injuries on defense and the offensive line... and granted, the defense really looked awful - the falcons' backup quarterback looked like johnny unitas... but they made just enough plays and just happened to have that guy tom brady, aka, the best player in the nfl, as well as the best clutch kicker ever, adam vinatieri, so i was right on that one after all... it's funny, but the pats, as if we should expect anything any different, are still the masters of removing distractions and ignoring adversity and winning when they have to... if they had lost sunday, which would have been two in a row, they would have had to win in denver this weekend or be 2-4 going into the bye - a lousy position to be in... so of course, they won, climbing on brady's back... the pats may not win their third super bowl in a row this year, but they are still the model sports team of the last several years in the way they conduct themselves, the way they motivate each other and the way they win every game they have to win... it's pretty damn remarkable...

the win, along with the yankees' loss last night, took a bit of the edge off of the red sox losing... there really isn't anything to say about the sox that you don't already know - they weren't the same team as last year, there wasn't enough pitching, damon, nixon and varitek were all cooked, if it weren't for all of big papi's theatrics, they probably wouldn't have even sniffed the playoffs, etc... so it was easy to get over, especially after the hangover wore off... so instead, let's just comment quickly on the yankees, the worst team money can buy... it so figured that a-rod sucked in the series, in particular last night (that double play in the ninth signified completely why big papi should win mvp instead of the fraud)... the guy is a numbers guy, period - polished and phony as his purple lip gloss... put him somewhere important where his team needs to feed off of him and forget it, you get 2-15 with no homers and no RBI for the series... and when you add to that randy johnson sucking in the very game they got him for, pizzaface matsui being invisible, bubba (or billy bob, as the captain so hilariously called him - harharharhar) crosby having to play center field in an elimination game and wiping out sheff on that collision play in the third, mussina not coming up big in a big game, AGAIN, cano being supremely talented but utterly too lakadaisical and not being able to properly bridge to rivera, the yanks were done... it will be interesting to see who's back for them next year... i'll wager that joe torre is gone, a byproduct of feeling like he can't go any further with what he has and the fact that steinbrenner will probably fire the gm... still, you have to hand it to jeter... i can't stand him but he's so damn good - the homer to cut the lead in the seventh and the leadoff hit to bring the tying run to the plate in the ninth were both so utterly predictable, anyone who's ever watched a baseball game couldn't have been surprised... and hats off to bernie williams, who hopefully will put himself out of his misery and retire... i probably have more respect for bernie than any yankee other than jeter (and from the title teams, paul o'neill)... he was always the classiest guy out there and when he was in his prime, as scary good as it gets...

ok, i'm worn out... i have to say, it will be nice to be able to relax during the week sports-wise and save all the energy for sundays for the foreseeable future... on the tv and movie front, you all should check out "my name is earl" with jason lee on tuesday nights - hilarious, although i heard jason, one of my all-time favorites, has turned to the dark side of scientology... and if you like a good, short, tension filled movie, see "good night, and good luck" about edward r. murrow, the most famous journalist of all-time, taking on senator joe mccarthy during the communist witch hunts of the 1950s... it's pretty much a docudrama but it's as taut as a thriller and it looks so awesome because it's in black and white... good shit... and with that i'm out... new column coming later in the week in which i will further humiliate myself with more football picks... until then, lates...

7 and 7s mostly just suck

i'm getting better, in microminiscule increments...

i went 7-7 this week which under certain circumstances is a tasty beverage but when picking football games, is the definition of mediocre... it may be a three-game improvement, but it's basically akin to getting to getting a shitty score on a standardized test like the sat or something, paying like a grand for a course designed to improve your score then doing like 40 points better... maybe i should start setting point spreads for high school games... i'll take masconomet -28 over lynnfield this friday night...

it's still baseball season as well... how can i be expected to possibly follow everything going on in the nfl right now when i'm forced to ride the red sox october roller coaster again? on sunday, the sheer misery brought on by the patriots' disgusting loss to the chargers was somewhat tempered by the fact that the sox were clinching a playoff berth just a couple channels over... that and the fact that i went to bed at 6:30 a.m. sunday morning and wouldn't have known the difference if i was in nigeria...

so anyway, i'm going to reserve further comment until later... i'm still coming to grips with those innumerable topics/distractions like how the pats can bounce back this week in atlanta, whether the sox will win by more or less than 7 runs tomorrow in the aftermath of today's rout at the hands of the white sox, how matt clement can simultaneously look like abe lincoln's great, great, great grandson and derek lowe after a long evening of drinks and hookers on sinatra night at lucky's, how bad the new al pacino/matthew mcconaughey gambling opus will be and subsequently how quickly it will be gone from theatres, if it's really going to continue to feel like june in these parts throughout october, how hideki matsui's face can look so much like a pepperoni pizza and if my new experiment - ceasing to title my posts with movie quotes (unless it's necessary) - will work, among other things...

ok, so that's all for now... i bid you all a fond adieu and a rich, happy new year... stay tuned for more, sooner than you think... lates...

i'll teach you football... i'll teach you anything, just don't eat me

so i'm a bit late for this week's picks a) because it's been a trying week and an even busier weekend so far, b) i'm still in total baseball mode and c) because i'm rather embarrassed that i got only 4 out of 14 right last week... oh well, at least i'm secure in my other picking job (at least on a week-to-week basis), so without further ado, here we go with this week's picks (home team in CAPS) for week 4 with some more commentary/analysis to come later...

PATS (-5.5) over chargers
injuries really hurt pats but other than lt, san diego isn't that good and pats will have pulled together even more after last week's huge win

broncos (+4) over JAGUARS
j'ville - and its awesome D - wins the game close as denver can't get quite right after short week so far from home

BENGALS (-9.5) over texans
cincy has that flavor of the month feel, but houston - despite coming off a bye and firing its o-coordinator - just stinks

TITANS (+7) over colts
is this the week manning and the colts O finally busts out? i say probably, but home team plays tough, keeps it close

CHIEFS (-2) over eagles
kc is so tough at home and philly is just too banged up to beat a good team away from the crib

BUCS (-6.5) over lions
tampa and cadillac williams are for real and detroit, which has won like 2 road games in the last decade, is currently self-destructing yet again

GIANTS (-3) over rams
even though they got rocked last week, the giants are on the upswing and does anyone really think st. louis can beat a decent team outside on the road?

SAINTS (pick) over bills
sloppy saints will be jazzed for their first "home" game in san antonio against supremely overrated buffalo

REDSKINS (-2) over seahawks
this is a tough one (both teams are totally mediocre) so we'll play the percentages and go with the home team by a field goal

jets (+7) over RAVENS
ravens win due to defense and NY qb woes, but baltimore's so bad as well, look for something like a 7-6 final

FALCONS (-6) over vikings
there, now that the vikes got that first win at home against another crappy team out of the way, they and coach tice will return to the land of the lousy

RAIDERS (-3) over cowboys
oakland, which has looked as good as an 0-3 team can, has to win and playing road-weary dallas at home helps the cause

49ers (+2.5) over CARDINALS
residents of mexico city get to watch two of the league's worst teams in what could be the season's worst game

packers (+7.5) over PANTHERS
carolina wins a close one at home as it just keeps getting worse for brett favre and company

last week: 4-10
season: 4-10