well of course i'm half-hebrew, but the children are three-quarters mick catholic
running short on time this week, my pretties, which is sort of a shame given the multitude of noteworthy topics... i could be like all the other blowhards on espn and give my two cents on t.o. but frankly, i'm so sick of the story, i'd rather scoop my eyeballs out with a plastic spork than rehash all the tawdry details... beyond t.o. (yes it's true, there is life beyond t.o.) it's nice to see the celtics playing spirited ball (even though i still think they barely eke out 35 wins) and paul pierce pretending to be positive about his situation... it's nicer still to see the bruins continue to stink and i'm quite curious to see what imbecile the red sox hire to be their next gm... oh yeah and those carolina panthers cheerleaders... i don't think i've ever been more excited to see mugshots in all my years until i actually saw them... man, did you catch the schnozz on the one on the right? if she's the one planning on posing for penthouse, i'm cancelling my subscription...
and oh yeah - the pats... that game made me want to drink... it was a realization game, ya know? the whole heart of a champion thing was just a ruse - the pats are not remotely as good as the colts this year and sadly, even if everyone on defense (except rodney, god bless him) gets healthy and starts playing, it may just be the same case... i've never seen belichick appear so ready to throw in the towel so quickly (the two fourth downs - one in the first quarter??!! - and the onside kick)... seriously, it was like he was capitulating before the game even started... "hey let's go for it on fourth-and-four from our own 42 because if we don't get it and you get the ball right here, it will be just as easy for you to score as if we punt and pin you inside the 10..." never seen anything like it from him... everyone on d either sucked or wasn't getting any help... and then there was poor tedy, who looked like the adrenalin had worn off and he was playing in his first training camp contact scrimmage... if i had a nickel for every time he got wiped out at the line of scrimmage within seconds of the ball being snapped, i'd be rich... just a sad, sad game, folks... sad...
still, the nfl is a league of redemption, ya know? anyone who's ever watched football knows that one week means nothing to the next week... how else could a team like the 49ers lose 52-17 one week, then beat a one-loss, division leader the next? the pats will get back on track against the woeful dolphins this week and truthfully, i think they're only in danger of losing two more games all year (at KC in two weeks and at buffalo on dec. 11)... the playoffs are another story altogether, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it... right now, i'll only say that even though the colts will lose at least two games before its all said and done, they're probably going to win the super bowl, and seeing peyton manning hold up that trophy while all the media sycophants get on their knees is not a sight i'm not looking forward to in the least... i sincerely hope you aren't either...
on a more pleasant note, we posted our best record of the year last week which could mean that a) i'm finally getting the hang of this point spread thing, b) i got intesely lucky or c) see b... either way, i'm looking to keep it rolling so without further ado (and with my usual reminder not to take one iota of this seriously), here come this week's picks...
new england (-3) over MIAMI
it may be somewhat naive to take the pats giving anything at this point, especially in miami, where brady plays worse than anywhere... but somehow i get the feeling that he and the other veterans who aren't hurt are so pissed at the utter humiliation of monday night that they'll came out and look as good as they have all year... plus, even though the defense stinks, and miami's coach nick saban knows belichick as well as anyone save for parcells, the dolphins' starting qb is still gus frerotte... enough said...
kansas city (+2.5) over BUFFALO
bills may be coming off a bye and at home, but i saw them play two weeks ago and believe me, they can't stop anyone with an even average offense... the chiefs, despite losing priest holmes and having trent green looking more and more like drew bledsoe every week, are better than average, especially after last week's win, one of the ballsiest one's i've seen in a long time, thanks to coach vermeil, who i think only went for it on the last play of the game so he'd have an excuse to cry before the tv cameras no matter what happened... turn the red light on and watch the waterworks begin!
washington (-1.5) over TAMPA BAY
boy are the bucs bummed... three weeks ago they were 5-1 and looking like legit contenders... now, they're staring the wrong legendary qb's son, their prized new back is already damaged goods and they can't stop anyone on defense... the redskins bounced back nicely from the whitewash loss to the giants against the depleted eagles last week and should win this one relatively easily...
san francisco (+13) over CHICAGO
ok, the bears are good, the niners are awful and the game's in chicago... but 13 points?? for the bears??? with their rookie, fifth-rounder at qb and their top back probably out with bad ribs??? not a chance... they win, but not by that much...
NEW YORK GIANTS (-9.5) over minnesota
surprised the vikes could keep it in their pants after last week's big division win... they're still pretty bad, though, and now that the nfl has peyton manning a virtual lock for the super bowl, don't you feel like maybe eli is "destined" to get there too?
arizona (+4) over DETROIT
worst game of the week by about 27 miles... kurt warner may be a shell of himself but the pathetic joey harrington is just a shell, period... think anyone on the lions wants to lay it all out there for such a stiff who seems to have no heart? me neither... take the cards, but hold your nose...
JACKSONVILLE (-6.5) over baltimore
jags still too young to count on as they can't stop playing down to their opponents' level (see last week against houston)... but with or without fred taylor (and that's another without this week), they should still handle the putrid ravens, who welcome back all-world bust kyle boller for yet more proof that coach billick screwed up again...
houston (+18) over INDIANAPOLIS
i've never seen a spead this big in a pro game and even though the colts are quite capable of beating it, i just can't see it... how do they get up for this game against such a bad team after what they did last week? answer is, they don't.... indy is way to good to actually lose - they could beat the texans blindfolded - but houston should have a little spirit (maybe) and cover...
carolina (-9) over NEW YORK JETS
who is it this week, herm? brooks bollinger? vinny t.? your cousin steve? it doesn't matter who plays qb for the jets, they stink and the panthers are probably going to the super bowl (unless the league sabotages them in order to get an all-manning matchup)... i'm just wondering when people are going to start calling for herm's job, as he is easily in the top 5 of biggest fraud coaches in the nfl...
denver (-3) over OAKLAND
if i hear one more "expert" talk about how jake plummer is mvp material because he hasn't thrown too many picks this year, i will vomit... the guy gets 200 yards rushing from his backs every week and the defense is actually pretty good for a change... and for that, he's an mvp candidate??? hello, he sucks!! regardless, the broncos will win this game easily as the raiders, who looked like they may be turning a corner until they gave up that unbeliveable last minute drive to lose to the chiefs last week, are done with a capital D-O-N-E...
st. louis (+7) over SEATTLE
rams are getting all their injured guys back for this one, are playing well under their anonymous interim coach, are coming off a bye, and have owned seattle in the past... that'll be just enough for them to cover... seahawks finally look like they get it and shaun alexander is a monster...
ATLANTA (-9.5) over green bay
i feel worse and worse for brett favre every week, especially now that he's got a running back named samkong gato or something... seeing him lose to charlie batch - who hasn't played in four years - last week must have been pretty painful for him... now this week, he'll have to watch his pack get bombed by the falcons and thier ultimate fraud qb michael vick, who said he's always been a great passer after the first decent game he's played all season last week... i'll give the guy some credit cause his teams win, but i still think they'll never WIN until he consistently learns to throw... this week, against poor favre and the pathetic pack, it won't matter...
CLEVELAND (+8) over pittsburgh
browns won't win, trust me... but they're a bit better than they've been, they're at home and the steelers are still starting charlie batch... closer than you might think, but really, who cares about this game other than people in both cities and joe theismann, who is currently preparing to put you all to sleep with tales of how the steelers are the greatest team since whoever he covered last week...
dallas (+3) over PHILADELPHIA
monday night, in philly... mismatch? yeah, maybe for the cowboys... look, the eagles did the right thing getting rid of looney toons t.o., and it is brave (yet predictable) to hear donovan mcnabb talk about how the team will be able to come together and rise above this mess... but i don't buy it... philly still can't/won't run and are down their biggest weapon in the passing game to boot... plus, the d - usually so tough - suddenly kind of stinks... parcells and the boys smell blood... sayonara, eagles...
last week: 9-4-1
season: 36-45-3
and oh yeah - the pats... that game made me want to drink... it was a realization game, ya know? the whole heart of a champion thing was just a ruse - the pats are not remotely as good as the colts this year and sadly, even if everyone on defense (except rodney, god bless him) gets healthy and starts playing, it may just be the same case... i've never seen belichick appear so ready to throw in the towel so quickly (the two fourth downs - one in the first quarter??!! - and the onside kick)... seriously, it was like he was capitulating before the game even started... "hey let's go for it on fourth-and-four from our own 42 because if we don't get it and you get the ball right here, it will be just as easy for you to score as if we punt and pin you inside the 10..." never seen anything like it from him... everyone on d either sucked or wasn't getting any help... and then there was poor tedy, who looked like the adrenalin had worn off and he was playing in his first training camp contact scrimmage... if i had a nickel for every time he got wiped out at the line of scrimmage within seconds of the ball being snapped, i'd be rich... just a sad, sad game, folks... sad...
still, the nfl is a league of redemption, ya know? anyone who's ever watched football knows that one week means nothing to the next week... how else could a team like the 49ers lose 52-17 one week, then beat a one-loss, division leader the next? the pats will get back on track against the woeful dolphins this week and truthfully, i think they're only in danger of losing two more games all year (at KC in two weeks and at buffalo on dec. 11)... the playoffs are another story altogether, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it... right now, i'll only say that even though the colts will lose at least two games before its all said and done, they're probably going to win the super bowl, and seeing peyton manning hold up that trophy while all the media sycophants get on their knees is not a sight i'm not looking forward to in the least... i sincerely hope you aren't either...
on a more pleasant note, we posted our best record of the year last week which could mean that a) i'm finally getting the hang of this point spread thing, b) i got intesely lucky or c) see b... either way, i'm looking to keep it rolling so without further ado (and with my usual reminder not to take one iota of this seriously), here come this week's picks...
new england (-3) over MIAMI
it may be somewhat naive to take the pats giving anything at this point, especially in miami, where brady plays worse than anywhere... but somehow i get the feeling that he and the other veterans who aren't hurt are so pissed at the utter humiliation of monday night that they'll came out and look as good as they have all year... plus, even though the defense stinks, and miami's coach nick saban knows belichick as well as anyone save for parcells, the dolphins' starting qb is still gus frerotte... enough said...
kansas city (+2.5) over BUFFALO
bills may be coming off a bye and at home, but i saw them play two weeks ago and believe me, they can't stop anyone with an even average offense... the chiefs, despite losing priest holmes and having trent green looking more and more like drew bledsoe every week, are better than average, especially after last week's win, one of the ballsiest one's i've seen in a long time, thanks to coach vermeil, who i think only went for it on the last play of the game so he'd have an excuse to cry before the tv cameras no matter what happened... turn the red light on and watch the waterworks begin!
washington (-1.5) over TAMPA BAY
boy are the bucs bummed... three weeks ago they were 5-1 and looking like legit contenders... now, they're staring the wrong legendary qb's son, their prized new back is already damaged goods and they can't stop anyone on defense... the redskins bounced back nicely from the whitewash loss to the giants against the depleted eagles last week and should win this one relatively easily...
san francisco (+13) over CHICAGO
ok, the bears are good, the niners are awful and the game's in chicago... but 13 points?? for the bears??? with their rookie, fifth-rounder at qb and their top back probably out with bad ribs??? not a chance... they win, but not by that much...
NEW YORK GIANTS (-9.5) over minnesota
surprised the vikes could keep it in their pants after last week's big division win... they're still pretty bad, though, and now that the nfl has peyton manning a virtual lock for the super bowl, don't you feel like maybe eli is "destined" to get there too?
arizona (+4) over DETROIT
worst game of the week by about 27 miles... kurt warner may be a shell of himself but the pathetic joey harrington is just a shell, period... think anyone on the lions wants to lay it all out there for such a stiff who seems to have no heart? me neither... take the cards, but hold your nose...
JACKSONVILLE (-6.5) over baltimore
jags still too young to count on as they can't stop playing down to their opponents' level (see last week against houston)... but with or without fred taylor (and that's another without this week), they should still handle the putrid ravens, who welcome back all-world bust kyle boller for yet more proof that coach billick screwed up again...
houston (+18) over INDIANAPOLIS
i've never seen a spead this big in a pro game and even though the colts are quite capable of beating it, i just can't see it... how do they get up for this game against such a bad team after what they did last week? answer is, they don't.... indy is way to good to actually lose - they could beat the texans blindfolded - but houston should have a little spirit (maybe) and cover...
carolina (-9) over NEW YORK JETS
who is it this week, herm? brooks bollinger? vinny t.? your cousin steve? it doesn't matter who plays qb for the jets, they stink and the panthers are probably going to the super bowl (unless the league sabotages them in order to get an all-manning matchup)... i'm just wondering when people are going to start calling for herm's job, as he is easily in the top 5 of biggest fraud coaches in the nfl...
denver (-3) over OAKLAND
if i hear one more "expert" talk about how jake plummer is mvp material because he hasn't thrown too many picks this year, i will vomit... the guy gets 200 yards rushing from his backs every week and the defense is actually pretty good for a change... and for that, he's an mvp candidate??? hello, he sucks!! regardless, the broncos will win this game easily as the raiders, who looked like they may be turning a corner until they gave up that unbeliveable last minute drive to lose to the chiefs last week, are done with a capital D-O-N-E...
st. louis (+7) over SEATTLE
rams are getting all their injured guys back for this one, are playing well under their anonymous interim coach, are coming off a bye, and have owned seattle in the past... that'll be just enough for them to cover... seahawks finally look like they get it and shaun alexander is a monster...
ATLANTA (-9.5) over green bay
i feel worse and worse for brett favre every week, especially now that he's got a running back named samkong gato or something... seeing him lose to charlie batch - who hasn't played in four years - last week must have been pretty painful for him... now this week, he'll have to watch his pack get bombed by the falcons and thier ultimate fraud qb michael vick, who said he's always been a great passer after the first decent game he's played all season last week... i'll give the guy some credit cause his teams win, but i still think they'll never WIN until he consistently learns to throw... this week, against poor favre and the pathetic pack, it won't matter...
CLEVELAND (+8) over pittsburgh
browns won't win, trust me... but they're a bit better than they've been, they're at home and the steelers are still starting charlie batch... closer than you might think, but really, who cares about this game other than people in both cities and joe theismann, who is currently preparing to put you all to sleep with tales of how the steelers are the greatest team since whoever he covered last week...
dallas (+3) over PHILADELPHIA
monday night, in philly... mismatch? yeah, maybe for the cowboys... look, the eagles did the right thing getting rid of looney toons t.o., and it is brave (yet predictable) to hear donovan mcnabb talk about how the team will be able to come together and rise above this mess... but i don't buy it... philly still can't/won't run and are down their biggest weapon in the passing game to boot... plus, the d - usually so tough - suddenly kind of stinks... parcells and the boys smell blood... sayonara, eagles...
last week: 9-4-1
season: 36-45-3
posted by jmg at 3:27 PM
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