rules of the week

tardy on this week's rules - it's been a rather shitty week to say the least... anyway, if you're reading, it's probably tough enough for me to get you to even care about what i'm writing let alone how my week was... so without further ado, here are the rules of the week...

Rule No. 1 - i don't know, i just don't... ray allen coming off major ankle surgery? i mean, he's been a star, a great one - but is he the answer? i kind of hope there's something more afoot... anyway, these two guys look pretty happy, don't they? maybe they know something i don't... well, danny and doc - here's my faith, please don't stomp all over it... man i'm getting nervous and breaking out in the sweats and not because it's 137 degrees outside... ok, i can't think of a rule - time to move on...

Rule No. 2 - julio lugo, the 4-year, $36 million shortstop for the boston red sox, has the worst batting average (.190) of any regular player in all of major league baseball... he has no hits since june 14, when he was 1-for-4 against colorado... he was allowed to bat for himself in a huge, possibly game-winning situation in the eighth inning against seattle last week, and naturally didn't get a hit despite being ahead in the count 3-0, then had the temerity to throw a tantrum when he was pinch hit for in another big spot in the 11th... oh, and after being inserted as a pinch runner at second - representing the tying run - with two outs in the eighth and kevin youkilis at the plate against texas on saturday, he was thrown out trying to steal third, ending the inning... having been a die hard red sox fan since the age of about 4, i've seen more slumps and more free agent/trade busts than i can count... i am also prone to hyperbole, as many who know me will attest... bearing all that in mind, i don't think i've ever seen a player in a bigger slump, and unless things turn around dramatically for lugo and fast, i don't think i've ever seen a bigger free agent bust... everyone knows that this all could have been avoided if the sox had just re-signed the lovable, indispensable orlando cabrera after the world series in 2004 (cabrera wanted to stay and could have been had for less than what lugo is being paid), but that's old news... what's not old news is that lugo, who now seems to be in a platoon with alex cora at short, has to play if he's to have any chance of breaking out of this... and that, given what we've seen so far, is a very risky proposition as the season progresses, the games get more important and the pressure mounts... not sure what the rule is here, maybe that theo epstien should be forbidden from signing/letting go of shortstops?...

note: by the way, the headline of a fantasy baseball column on si.com read, "is it time to drop lugo?"... i hereby nominate everyone in my league, my mom, and the cleaning crew at the applebee's on hancock st. in quincy to take over the writing duties from this brain surgeon - it was time three weeks ago, dude!...

Rule No. 3 - a real bummer that youkilis didn't make the all-star team... five sox did make it, all deserved it (except manny) and another, hideki okajima, is nominated for the internet vote final spot on the roster... but who on the sox, other than beckett and papelbon, is more deserving than youk? the guy was arguably the most important factor in the sox' play during april and may while they were building their double digit lead in the AL east... his numbers (.326/9/43/.918) are excellent... he just set a red sox record for most consecutive errorless games at first base... he's hit pretty much everywhere in the lineup, he's always busting it and he has gigantic balls for knowingly wearing that goatee on his face... youk is one of this year's victims of the all-star selection system, which requires that every team, even the shittiest ones, have to have at least one guy on the squad, like it's a kickball game in gym class or something... it also hurts him that with the game in a national league park, david ortiz (a mortal lock) was on the ballot as a first baseman and not him... and maybe he'll wind up making it anyway as a fill-in (lord knows they'll need to find one for manny)... but he should have been there right off the bat... youk's an all-star, ya'll...


Rule No. 4 - there's tons of humor sites that should be perused pretty much daily and my new favorite is cracked.com... the specialty seems to be lists which gives readers the chance to check out topics like this and like this... it really is worth a shot - but remember, whether you dig it or not, the real goods can always be found here... enjoy 'em all, lads and lasses!...